Failing in Love

6 June 2012

I’m a simple girl when it comes to dating. I’ve only been on 1 semi-fancy first date that involved me purchasing a new outfit, being picked up at my home at a set time, dinner at a nice restaurant and ended with the classic extended and tense goodbye.  Mostly they’ve been along the lines of a hockey game, local breweries, parks or hiking trips. A few previous boyfriends have even informed me that I’m a difficult woman to romance, something along the lines of my awkward outbursts, being difficult to read and not easily accepting the classic female role. I’m quick to open the door first, most often the one to make the first move and be the chaser and not the chased. In Ethiopia, I’ve been on the receiving end of very assertive, incredibly awkward and always pathetic pick up attempts. Really I have come to appreciate the dating game of my own culture and all the men in my life who’ve exercised their version of modern day chivalry. You could all teach these Ethiopian men a thing or two…

Scenario 1: Random guy starts showing up at my house, calling me and acting like we know each other. In my confusion I actually believe that maybe I know him but have just forgotten. I agree to a coffee date where-in he quickly informs me of his plans to become a U.S. citizen by all means possible since Stanford Law recently told him that getting a full ride there unlikely. He heard that through false marriage becoming a citizen is a quick and painless process. I listen patiently (kicking myself for not having anticipating this) then I informed him that he has a better chance of getting an all expense paid invation to Stanford Law School. “I’m engaged to be married” I say (not true), “I’ve been with this guy for a long time and we’re madly infatuated with each other” (true as far as I can discern). “Please respect my relationship and my honesty when I tell you I am not going to marry you so you can emigrate from Ethiopia.” He laughed. I didn’t. We finished out coffee quickly and I made a bee-line to my compound, locking the door behind me.

…. The following day…

Text message from Samuel “I think God created me for you. On the first day I met you my heart started to beat for you! My soul desire to live with you everywhere you go. I did not expect this to happen in my life. But I realized that I always want to stay and live with you! My soul needs your love. It may be surprise for you that I failed in love with you. Bridget I really love you.”

A number of these ridiculous text messages (with hilarious misspellings) came forward even after I demanded that he never contact me again. Eventually I got my landlord involved and the phone calls and messages ceased. Fortunately he doesn’t live in my town so I don’t see him anymore.

Scenario 2: I held a high school writing contest to find candidates for a summer camp I and 11 other PC volunteers are putting on. The prompts for the essay were 1) introduce yourself. 2) Explain how you help support your community. 3) What do you see in your future and how are you going to achieve those goals?

Most of the writing was impressive. There was a lot of talk about how one of their parents had died and they worked hard to support their struggling family. A lot of the students discussed being a medical professional in the future and helping people with AIDS in the community. The means to achieve these goals was primarily faith in God/Allah. One of the essays that stood out was this:

“My name is Abda. I must get doctor. Because I help people for disease. I like advice for people for time to time. Oh My God I Love you. Give my solution. I see you my heart is very happy. My eyes see you. My lip kisses you. All my body for you. How will communicate you. I am very love you. I will give me solution in short time. Good luck.”

Needless to say I will not be chaperoning this students to a week-long summer camp. It gave me and the teachers a good laugh though.

Scenario 3: Leaving Addis the other week I was caught in public transit hell, hoping from one line taxi to another all over town trying to get to the most Southern bus station called Kaliti. A nice older man got on the bus and sat next to me. We struck up some small talk. I explained that I’m an environment volunteer who arrived 8 months before, I live down in W. Arsi and speak Oromifa, blah, blah, blah. When we got off the taxi he helped walk me towards my next mini bus. While zig-zagging through the bustling crowds people and boldly dodging traffic in the streets he told me that he was a university professor and he also works for the president’s administration council. This guy was well dressed, at least 50 years old and his phone even had a fancy key pad so it seemed believable. Before I climbed into the next bus he asked for my contact information in case he ever has work in my area and to make sure that I arrive home safely that evening.

… The following night at 10pm…

Text: “Bigit Hi! Why you didn’t answer my cal’? do you have a husband from Adaba? If your answer is yes, please for my disturbace at almost mid night. If you don’t have a husband there really I am highly impressed with your BEAUTY. Bcoz you are CUTE, SMART & ATTRACTIVE.. You are a LOVELY GIRL that is why I LoVe You. It is not JOCKING but it is from the BOTTOM of my HEART. Have a nice NIGHT! Honestly Yours Shimelis.”

I responded the next day simply with “Please do not ever contact me again.” So far I am in the clear.

Honestly, sometimes I want to wear a burka to conceal myself, but I know my hazel eyes will give me away. Other times I think I should see these moments as opportunities to have a discussion about the motives behind emigration. After all, if motivated and educated individuals abandon Ethiopia who will help work towards Ethiopia’s development progress? Mostly I haven’t had much patience to hang around after these men reveal their intentions. My heart goes out to all the Ethiopian women who are approached in such a manner and have less social-cultural liberties to tell these men what they really think.